anapology

anapology

I’m writing this here instead of emailing or texting it to you, because I don’t want to make you angry and for my intention to get lost amongst that.

I want to apologise for confusing you by sending you that letter. I am sorry that it came across like that, confused you and - which, in turn - made you angry.

You know that I would never want that and it certainly wasn’t my intention when writing it. I - of all people - respect this time you need to think about your feelings and I wanted to send you a letter saying all the things I hadn’t been able to when we spoke on the phone.

I have nothing but respect for you. I would never have sent that letter if I thought that it just sounded romantic. That wouldn’t be fair on you.

I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought the letter would make you smile and offer you some comfort, so as you know it’s okay to be feeling this way and that you’re not alone, that you’re supported. I thought that is how the letter would come across, but I was wrong. Perhaps I should have left it longer, I don’t know. Perhaps you’re angry because you feel you need to push me away rather than let your mind realise what it has to naturally. You don't need to push me away, because we're not even talking. I know that you know, deep down, that I only wanted to offer you words of support.

I care about you more than anything to want to hurt you and it’s killing me that it did. I wasn’t mean to pour my heart out to you romantically, but instead to share with you why you’re a great person so you didn’t feel bad. Because the last time we spoke on the phone, you were feeling a little guilty so I wanted to make sure you knew that you had no reason to be, that it is okay.

I want nothing more than for you to be happy. Even if it means I am unhappy. While you may be a little angry now, I hope that you’ll be able to see that, and I know deep down you know that. The letter wasn’t about me, it was about you. So I’m sorry that that wasn’t clear. I hope you can come to realise this and forgive me, because you are the most important person to me. Even if you’re not in my life on a day-to-day basis.

This wasn’t ever about my romantic feelings towards you, this was about how you feel. I saw your twitter message about having a shit week, I remembered how you’d felt sad and guilty on the phone. You have no reason to feel those things, don’t worry. Todo será bien para ti.