Comfort Casserole

Tom Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49 is by far one of the most absurd books I've ever read. But not even in the good way, it's just odd in every sense and goes from one bizarre occurrence to the next. Whilst I liked it at first, after a while, it began to get on my nerves. I spent all of yesterday reading--long time since that last happened. I think I'm starting to enjoy reading again, which - whilst I still have my qualms about being a slow reader and it takes me, as a result, months to finish a book which would otherwise take a week - is generally a good thing. Today I want to make a casserole--"It's important to be sensitive during sensitive times"--I decided I wanted to have something that I can cook for when those I care about are in need of some comfort--if there's nothing else I can do, I think it'd be a nice thing to be known for, making a casserole for my friends. But I want to do a test-run today to see, first of all, what it's like, and second, what needs to be changed about the recipe to get it to exactly where I want it to be.



don't forget, about sleeping together after breaking up - it was what we both wanted at the time. And it happened - rather obviously - because we were both in love with each other and missed that connection. Perhaps we should have exercised more restraint, because I think it certainly contributed to how messed up your feelings have been lately, and certainly didn't help me move on. But I don't think it would be right to see it as 'a mistake'... it happened, regardless. And I certainly don't see it as a mistake, because I know I wanted it at the time.

Regardless of how it's all ended up, I think it's a little unfair, and actually a little hurtful to imply that the only reason we had sex was because you 'weren't strong enough to cut off all ties'... that implies you had no feelings towards me whatsoever when we had sex, and I KNOW that's not true. It was a mutual decision, not you taking advantage of my feelings or vice verca, because we still had feelings for one another. It would be using me if you had no emotional attachment to me and were using me simply for sex, but that wasn't what it was. I feel it would be misguided to say that it was 'using me' because we were both exercising our feelings for one another. It's not 'using me' to have sex when it wouldn't necessarily lead to us getting back together, it would only be using me if you didn't have feelings for me. Which, evidently, you did or else you wouldn't be reading this right now.



I never felt it was my job to 'solve' your issues. I always tried to give you the space and forgiveness you needed to be able to move on from those things yourself. And when you were late to things, it was never any bother comforting you. I didn't comfort you because I thought I could 'fix' that problem, I did it because I knew it was the only thing I could do. Please don't feel guilty for 'seeking comfort in me', that is a bit odd. You were perfectly entitled to do that, it wasn't a reliance -- in fact, that's exactly what a partner should do - offer comfort and support, those things were never bad things. You have to seperate your fears from reality - fearing that you were reliant on me, doesn't make it so. Perhaps we were reliant on one another for things we shouldn't have been, especially towards the end, but don't ever see it as a negative thing to 'seek comfort' in the person you love more than anything in the world. I feel that actually caused a lot of problems when you looked at things like that, seeing positive emotions as a negative thing. But you're right in the sense that, we had to actually be productive and help ourselves, as opposed to just growing comfortable with the assurance we received from the other person. It wasn't WRONG that we supported each other in that way, at all. But, we should have used that as comfort and motivation, as opposed to just settling for how we were - we became too comfortable with the versions of ourselves we didn't like. If that makes sense?